...besides, what have I really experienced to contribute to the world anyway? Have a survived an earthquake or starvation? Did I need to overcome abject discrimination? Did I not have a family who stands by me? Did I makes billions, lose it, and have the tenacity to win it again. No. So - forget changing the changing world - I am going to ensure that I make a difference to being alive...
Today...it occurs to me that even the person who loves you the most, who could die to save your life, who would defend you in any court of law...can be so unloving and so cold...
I think there is something very liberating about being disappointed; it makes you more self-dependent and forces you to question yourself. It forces one to acknowledge that sadly, I too have the capacity to be that unloving and that cold.
And disappointment is subjective and selfish - because everybody is actually concerned with their state of happiness. Even a father, whose greatest prize is the happiness of his child, defines happiness by his own standards. And should the definition of happiness not match with the child, well...such unhappiness. But, is that better than a father who cares not for the happiness of his child? The answer seems obvious, but coldness is hard.
How exactly is this contributing to my relentless pursuit of being alive? I don't have to know today - but perhaps I shall have a better idea if I am in the position of being a parent.
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