The greatest lessons in life have been thrust upon me in the last few years. If I may share one with you; "nothing is all about me". When I think it's all about me, I will be hyper-sensitive, on the defense, too fragile to enjoy life. When I do not take anything personally, there is greater confidence in my gait, I feel free, I am at ease with the world and thus I can put the world at ease with me. The world existed and night became day before me, and certainly it will do so long after me. Society's pressures? Gimme a break - you have your own life to lead!
I was reading an article about "overhelpers". People who think it is their responsibility to save the world and to save you. And should you not accept & appreciate them as your saviour, they will take it personally and feel scorned. They may mean well but the final imapct is that they irritate people and are considered to be meddlesome and intrusive and judgmental. It is their way of feeling important and needed. Relax, the world does not ride on your shoulders, live your own life, enjoy it :-) and let others live theirs.
Parents can be like that sometimes. Parents who feel it is their birthright to overhelp/rule their grown children just because they are genetically linked. Why not enjoy your own life and allow your grown children to do the same :-)
Borrowing from dear Oprah, who graces her own magazine with her own dazzling picture every single month, "live your best life". These days living my best life involves knowing I am leading my own life on my own terms. That is the basic happiness that shoots through my heart. So how about all those in the world who do not have a choice to live their own lives but must live by "society's pressures" and are ruled by prehistoric laws, and controling fathers and husbands, and gossiping neighbors, and economic burden? Well at least they should remind us that "society's pressures" to be thin and beautiful is pretty petty.
Here's to you and your own life - you are so beautiful - on your own terms! Much happiness to you!
11 comments:
I know this is your blog, and you are entitled to have whatever opinions you may have. But, I have to point out that you really have no real understanding or knowledge about the subject of eating disorders. Eating disorders are very complex illnesses that, at their root, actually have very little to do with our perceptions of our bodies. That is just the outward manifestation. And, real recovery from eating disorders surprisingly has nothing to do with learning to accept our bodies as they are. It's much more profound than that.
Opinions are yours to develop and share here. But, I wish you could avoid harsh judgments and obvious disgust about things you are completely uneducated about. Your opinions reflect your only source of "knowledge" about eating disorders - the interpretation and presentation by the media, or even "society" as a whole.
Be kind, be compassionate, be accepting and gentle with that which you do not understand.
Michelle - you are right on all accounts:
it is indeed my blog
i am indeed entitled to all my own opinions - but I look forward to my fearless bloggers to set me straight when I need perspective - for surely I have so much to learn
i have little understanding about the medical nature of eating disorders - seems rather complicated and involved - I am certainly glad the world has you as an understanding and compassionate and nonjudgmental person. thank you very much for your insight
i should be compassionate and accepting and gentle - as you are
thank you and best regards,
Nazli
And to further educate myself here is the lovely Michelle's website who "recently recovered from 14 years of bulimia and a lifetime struggling with depression, anxiety, panic, and rage."
http://www.michellehope.org/
Wishing you every happiness and the very best in life Michelle, especially with your recovery! Keep up with your good work in helping people.
Regards,
Nazli
"nothing is all about me" - of course not. it is all about Oprah!
i once had a girlfriend who suffered severely from eating disorders of various kinds throughout her life - in her case, 'society' had nothing to do with it, but family did. it was part of a constellation of abuse and control issues that fairly ruined her life. so sad. i was not as much help to her as i could have been and regret it.
I know very little about eating disorders, but I do know that in EVERYTHING in life there is
1. Cause
2. Effect
3. Outcome
While it may not all be on society, there are certain pressures that people succumb to in all aspects of life. To say that you're wrong on your "opinion" would be greatly irresponsible because that is the perception we all have.
I've always held onto the belief that if you didn't care what other people thought about you, you wouldn't go to great lengths to do things to yourself that are harmful. This is in regards to being slim, and not eating correctly.
The reason why people have that perception is because we all see the super skinny models and we all see the stories about how every other girl wants to be like them. It doesn't mean they're all like that, but that's what those who see things from the outside see.
You're not wrong on your perception, you're just doing the normal thing. You're having an opinion on things that we all see.
:-)
Personally, I thought your approach was already open and compassionate Nazli :) But you were also extraordinarily open and compassionate in response to Michelle's comment.
I think your advice is perfectly pitched for people who aren't already at some extreme.
Salamaat,
You are awesome Nazli :) Do you know just what a hero you are to me? :)
I thought I was the only one who noticed Oprah on every cover of her magazine. How cute :)
You are right, the key to disengaging from pressure is to live your own life. It seems so simple, yet so elusive to most people (including me during those moments of doubt).
Tom - yes Oprah rules the world as you know!
As for the former girlfriend with an eating disorder - I appreciate your compasison for her. I will be the first to admit that even though my personal passion is human rights and humanity rules my roost - when it comes to dating, I find it difficult to deal with mental problems. Because I want simple clean happy things in my personal life - and compassionate or not - dealing with a partner's deeply rooted mental issues is not something I am up for. Friendship is fine - but when it comes to sharing a life/ children with someone and myself with someone - sound mental form is a requirement. Honest.
On that note - wishing you a healthy and happy day - any day!
Nazli
Oh Maliha - Salamaat!
If I am a hero to my friend who is a hero to me - well then it must be the best thing in the world ever!!
I think you are the best thing since sliced bread, personally!
As for dear Oprah - this month she is in purple and looking as charming as ever. Can't wait to see what the December issue holds!
Maliha - in the journey of life and in the quest to being truly alive and in the worship of the Creator of the Universe, having you as my soul sister is a pleasure indeed!
The sweetest of things and the best of days to you. Huge hugs!
Nazli
Jeff - I appreciate your comment very much.
I felt that Michelle does not know me at all and her judgment of my lack of compassion was rooted in her personal cause - and because she does not know me I have no reason to defend myself to her.
But there was something I could learn from that - which is that I really do not know the trials and tribulations of eating disorders - and I feel so grateful for that. Now I know that much more and that is good - because it seems as though bulimia is a serious problem and it is wonderful that people like Michelle exist to address the issues and help people.
So wonderful to see you Jeff!
Nazli
Dr. Nazli said...
Mr Angry - thank you for your comment and consistent support - it means a lot to me.
I must say I was not expecting a comment like Michelle's since it was meant to be a somewhat light piece trying to encourage people to live their best life and to take on the world and win it - and also to live on their own terms.
Also I was quite taken back that a random reader should peg me as uncompassionate or unkind. Anyway, I felt that I did not need to defend myself to Michelle since she does not know me at all and has no idea what my ideals are.
Lessons learnt and certainly I am all the better for it!
It is rainy and cloudy here in NE USA and the weekend promises to be cold. Hey - hope you have a fantastic weekend!
Do you have Thanksgiving in Australia? I was watching a piece on Australia and the warm beaches and happy people!
:-):-) thanks and thanks and see you soon!
Nazli
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