My deficiencies are considerable – I could state at least one for every day I have lived. The major one is my ego – the part of me which needs and feeds to no end. And ironically for no purpose. It just needs to need. I can look back at many entries on this blog and clearly see my ego at work. I needed to regroup my Being. Some years ago, when I was working on my doctorate and trying to make ends meet, I felt so stressed that one day I had enough. I read of books by sages of the world. It was a miracle for me. I surrendered to the universe and nature – if the universe can run in perfect order, there is reason for me to worry. I became so humble and so centered and so happy. I stopped worrying – and I won scholarships, and my world just fell into place. I don’t how – but it is true.
Then I became absorbed again. In finding the right job, in trying to assert my own independence, in trying to prove myself right. Humility and surrender were replaced by my impatience at wanting everything my way at my time. I do not think I was a bad person – but I was hardly fearless, hardly ambitious (at least not for the right things), hardly bold. I was unaware.
But the universe reminded me with ferocity - so after many moons here I am – a work in progress – in absolute humility, with total faith in love, such awe of the universe, unrelenting hope that I live the fearlessness of my fantasies.
Oh, how have you been fearless bloggers? It's been awhile - but I am excited be back in the blog mix with my bloggers! Did you know there is a place called “Truth or Consequnces” in New Mexico? Isn’t that grand? This summer I am teaching one class and working with some students. And this summer is going to be the best summer of my life – because whatever happens, my ego is denied. I am alive – and oh so grateful. "Dear Ego - you are hereby relieved, love Nazli."
Caco and Maliha have written some beauteous things to me in their comments - I don’t know what they see in me – but in reading them, I can only strive to be. Thank you!
See you tomorrow.
With much warmth,
Nazli
This is a picture of Chickies Rock (click to enlarge) - I love the stars and the moons and skies - but the beauty this earth leaves me breathless!
11 comments:
ego or not, your absence is felt, nearly as much as your presence, even by people who have never met you! you enrich our lives.
Tom - you really have no idea how touched I am by your words. Thank you for the feeling and the welcome.
Nazli
Nice post!! saw your comments at Zees blog so I am paying visit ! A thoughtful post and here is what I think about what you have said . ~ Our ego does cause us to strive to impose our will on the wider “will to live’ already present in our wondrous universe, for to be in harmony and show reverence for life remains somewhat elusive to us. For I think we are sometimes like primitive viruses searching for a host, but unlike those viruses who successfully invade the hosts to continue their life, our search is constrained by our lack of knowledge and its reality. I think knowledge and reality is the same thing.
If you believe (As I do) that time and space are also the same thing than the distinction between the physical and spiritual (by that I mean simply non physical) are only different dimensions within our warped time and space. It is interesting to note when you abandoned in a sense your ego then it seems you entered a different more spiritual dimension to realise your true values and expectations by virtue of your charisma’s.
Best wishes
Hi dear doc!!
Cris and I thought you got married!
Nice to see your beautiful face and your wonderful soul.
Beijos!
Lo
The Dr. is in! your words and expressions were missed. So Freudian Slips of you to confront ego.
Salamaat,
Nazli Dear heart, It's sooo nice to see you back and in full swing of your fearlessness and brilliance :)
Passing on lots of sunshine and a colorful fruit salad mix that I am enjoying right now :)
Dear Lindsaylobe,
I notice you have a "Malawi Support Group" blog, so I am not surpirsed that you coonect with the universe around you on a deeper sense. Thank you very much for your thoughtful comment. There was a brief period in my life when I was able to abandon the ego mostly - and it was liberating and light. It seems unantural to be egoless, until you realize how much it cocoons who you are.
Look forward to visiting your blogs.
Cheers to Malawi and Australia, fellow wanderer
Nazli
LOL Lo - not married yet - though I will let you should that day ever materialize. In fact I will blog about it :-)
Huge hugs lovely one
Nazli
Oh Joe,
My big ego
Was such a bore
And endless needing store
Simply could take it no more,
So I had just had to let it go
devoid of ego (not quite though) :-)
Nazli
Oh dear Maliha - salamaat. How did you know I needed some refreshiong salad with my mushroom and cheese burger? Thank you.
Hope your day is giving back to you the loveliness, peace and beauty that you give to it.
much love and happiness and joy to you - and lots of fun! I have missed you my soul sister!
Nazli
Jo hat gesagt...
dead right femicunt!
My name is Judas Nathan Zay
and I'm a male cunt and proud
of it. I hate my country the
United States of Fuckmerica
and I'll kill everyone
who so much as dares
to raise the flag
on my turf.
I loves to fuck little girls
which is why my tenure as a
Waldorf teach
in Great Barrington 01230
was kinda short lived.
I also loooves to mindfuck
little Meander Big Ingrid
and Floating Calamity
in my list.
And I loooove
to betray my friends
and am a real self centered
motherfucker who takes
anything w.out so much
as a thank you.
Got it bitch ??!
Please write more soon
Right now I'm in Switzerland
(s)licking my mom's cunt so she
gives me my once a year
allowance of a measly grand
usually though to be reached: at:Judas N.Zay
in Hillsdale NY12529
I love Islam and Ussama
and I hate Jews in general
and Israel in particular.
Call me an Anthronazi.
And yer right slut !
My home i s a dump alright.
Now how on earth did ya know?
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